Creating stability when you have no stability

How to create stability when there is no stability

Whew, this is a hard one. Throughout my life, I have often found myself in situations where I was just plain unsure of tomorrow. I wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring or where I would be. These situations are very stressful and cause our bodies to respond in ways we will probably not like.

For example, stress causes raised cortisol levels and puts adults (and children alike) into flight, fight or freeze mode. Essentially, what happens is that when we have raised cortisol levels, we are very emotional. Our heightened emotions cause us to have a small window of tolerance. In other words, you simply can’t deal with any additional stress that would cause more cortisol to be released. Practically speaking, a person with a small window of tolerance may be pushed over the edge with any additional stress that comes through relationships, parenting, or living situations. There are a couple things I would suggest during a time of uncertainty and high stress:

First, I suggest spending lots of time with God to be filled with love and encouragement. Part of reading your bible is to remind yourself of how God sees you and leaning into what you have available through Him. I also suggest for you to surround yourself with safe people - people that provide a safe space for you. I assured that you are not alone, but that God is with you.

Secondly, practice self-care. Something that is really beneficial is a long or short brisk walk - this helps to integrate both brain sides and allows you to harness your emotions - it helps you to think logically. You can also do some deep breathing exercises or take your hand and place it on the opposite side of your chest, then tap your chest, or rotate tapping your hands on your knees while sitting flat on your butt. Allow yourself to feel and identify what you are feeling. If you are an extravert, you may need to consider counseling with a professional license counselor that has experience with the hardships you're facing and/or calling and leaning on good friends.

Third, work on yourself. I would try to keep as much routine as you can. I suggest practicing a growth mindset - this will be one of your biggest golden nuggets. What this looks like in a situation like this is to understand there are things in your control and things out of your control. What you can control is yourself, how many hours you choose to work, how you let others treat you, and what you can do to get to where you want to be. What you can’t control is how others respond to you and what others think of you. Lastly, this is not a permanent situation - think of goals you want to accomplish and work toward them to get out of your situation - basically it is, you might not be where you want to be, but you can work toward getting there.

If finances are a stressor, work towards goals to become more financially independent - this may mean moving for a better job offer or going back to school. It’s not about where you start off, but where we end up. Set a goal of becoming financially independent. Poverty is a risk factor to kids, so work toward getting out of poverty (if this is your current state) - this may take time - there are things you can do in the meantime to protect your kids. Use the resources that are available through the schools such as free lunch and support from the state, such as food vouchers. Don’t leave your children unsupervised or to be watched by people - only those you trust - even some family can be risky. In addition, make sure you build trust with your children so they will talk to you. Explain what is safe and isn’t safe in age appropriate terms. Do things that are free - such as taking your kids to the park. Be with your children and spend your time with them, so they know you are there for them. Talk to your children, listen to them, and try to create as much of a routine as possible. What kids need growing up, is your time and love - that is most important.

Reference

Center for Disease Control. (2024). About Adverse Childhood Experiences.

© 2024. MARION PEREZ. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.