My Child Is Struggling in School: And I Don't Know What to Do

Dear Parents,

Are you struggling to get your child to improve their grades (affects kids in ALL grade levels), turn in assignments, or do schoolwork at all? If so, know that I've been there too. As a teacher, I know how to help my children and I know how to help your children too.

First know, you and I are not alone. As a matter of fact, I regularly receive calls from parents who have come to the end of their rope. They have tried everything they know, and their child is still struggling. Most of time it is: I have told them over and over again...yet nothing is changing. This is because your strategy isn't working, you have to change what you are doing to get a different desired outcome. I want you to know: there is still hope, and there are strategies that work. I won't sugarcoat it, they will require sacrifice on your end. But they are worth it - they sure were worth it for my children and will be for yours too.

Here are my tried-and-true suggestions, both as a teacher and as a mom who has been right where you are.

1. Pray First, and Pray Often

Pray for yourself, your child, their teachers and administrators, and their friends. Before strategy comes surrender. This is the foundation everything else is built on.

2. Build Trust With Your Child

Trust is everything. When your child trusts you, they will open up and let you into what is really going on in their life..sometimes they don't know what the underlying issue is themselves..and that's ok, but we as parents need to know that. Build that trust through honest conversations, active listening, and consistent support without judgment. You want to be the safe place they run to, not away from.

3. Look for Underlying Issues

Ask yourself: Is my child experiencing emotional, social, or academic difficulty? Is the work too overwhelming? Or is the work not important in your child's mind? Could there be undiagnosed learning differences or conditions that may be making school harder than it needs to be? Sometimes, it's laziness.... and sometimes what looks like laziness or defiance is actually a child who is quietly struggling and doesn't know how to ask for help.

4. Schedule a Meeting With Your Child's Teachers

Don't wait for a progress report or report card. Request a meeting with all of your child's teachers and go in with an open mind. Ask them what they are observing, what they suggest, and what support resources are already available at the school. Teachers want your child to succeed and they want to partner with you all.

5. Connect With the School Counselor

The school counselor is an often-overlooked resource. They may have additional insight into what your child is experiencing socially or emotionally, and they can connect your family with support you didn't even know was available.

6. Remember: Your Child Still Needs You... at Every Age

It doesn't matter if your child is in elementary school, middle school, or high school. They are still just a child, and they still need you. Science backs this up: the frontal lobe, the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking and decision-making isn't fully developed until the early twenties, and for males, even later. Your presence and guidance are not optional; they are essential.

7. Put Away the Criticism and Show Up With Patience Instead

Yelling, shaming, and criticizing will always produce the opposite of what you are hoping for. I know it is hard when you are frustrated, but your tone matters enormously. Lead with kindness, patience, and encouragement. Your child is watching how you handle hard things, and they need to see that love doesn't leave when things get difficult.

8. Sacrifice Your Time - This Is the Big One

This is where the real work happens, and I won't pretend it is easy. Here is what intentional, active involvement looks like in practice:

• Sit with your child while they do homework. Don't just send them to their room. Your presence alone communicates that this matters and that they are not alone in it. As you sit with them, you'll also begin to see whether the struggle is academic, emotional, or behavioral, and that insight is invaluable.

• Say this: "Let's work on your grades together. Let's keep an eye on what tests and assignments are coming up." Make it a team effort, not a lecture. Set a day you all will look together to see what is coming up for the week.

• Monitor upcoming assignments and tests. Check the online grade portal regularly, email teachers to be notified of upcoming tests, or buy a planner and have each teacher sign off daily after your child records their homework and upcoming due dates. Staying ahead of deadlines removes the panic that sets in when things pile up.

• If the content is over your head, get help. Either learn it yourself so you can teach your child, or reach out to the teacher for tutor recommendations or school-based tutoring support. There is no shame in asking — it's one of the most loving things you can do.

• When the material feels overwhelming, encourage and take turns. For dense reading assignments, I have sat with my own children and taken turns reading aloud.. paragraph by paragraph. It makes the task feel manageable and keeps them engaged. Try it.

• Study together daily until the grades improve. I know this is a major sacrifice. I have done it myself. But I can tell you with full confidence that it works. Your active engagement during this season makes all the difference.

• Make note cards together and quiz your child before tests. It's a simple strategy that works beautifully and gives you dedicated one-on-one time with your child in the process.

• Hold the electronics until the work is done. Kids have a break after school to decompress. During homework or if your child has failing grades, no screens, phone, tablet,...not until all homework has been completed, reviewed, and checked off by you and until all grades are passing. Consistently..every day. Dont' take their word that the homework is done. If your child can show they can watch a movie and do homework, then that is permitable... you will have to determine if works or not because every child is different. Make sure you review all homework by the end of the day, and with enough time for corrections.

• Did you child forget work at school? At pick up, make sure your child has everything they need. If not, ask them to go back into the school and grab it.

  Celebrate Every Win

  Any improvement, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. A better quiz grade. A completed assignment turned in on time. A positive comment from a teacher. Acknowledge it. Celebrate it. Your child needs to know that progress is being seen, and that you are proud of them not just for the grades, but for the effort.

  You can do this, parent. It will cost you time and energy, but the investment you make in your child right now will pay dividends for the rest of their life. Keep going.

  
  © 2024 MARION PEREZ. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.